Being Sick Sucks

Really, it sucks being sick. And not having the ability to lay down and get better sucks even more!

That is really all I have to say today. I'm trying to rush through my work so I can see if the boss lady will let me go home sick this afternoon.

Busy Sunday

So, we went to breakfast - then we decided, "what the heck, let's take Grayson to visit all his grandparents today!" So, we went to my ILs & then to my parents. My parents fed us dinner. Yummy.

Then we decided, "hey why don't we leave the baby here and go see a movie!" and my wonderful husband was nice enough to escort my sister and I to see "Vampires Suck". It was funny and had it's stupid moments too. And it was a very enjoyable couple of baby free hours.

After my "3 day weekend" (I was home Friday but I was sick!) I have a 4 day work-week ahead of me followed by a very scheduled and much needed 4 day weekend. I can't wait!

But, first things first. Some much needed sleep, I'm still not feeling 100% - and I have a missing voice to prove it.

Napping Baby

It's 10am on a Saturday morning, and my baby has been sleeping for 20 minutes now. Which, is a good thing because after him being awake at 4am and not wanting to go back to sleep, and then finally going back down at 5:15am and waking up at 7:30am for the day - this mommy is tired!

And I'm feeling a little emotional today too - not really sure why though!

Today we are going to visit an old work friend, who remains to be a good friend of mine to this day. I'm excited because she has a son, who I haven't seen in a while & I know she isn't going to act weird or strange around me and Grayson and she is going to enjoy our company! Which, I really need today.

Tomorrow Steve isn't going to have to work, which is awesome, and we can have a family day!

I just need to say I'm grateful for my for my healthy, wonderful baby & and amazing husband

Overwhelmed

Seriously one of the worst feelings in the world. There is always someone that needs something - be it at work, home, extended family, etc. There is always another bill, or another random expense that pops up. There is always a birthday, or holiday or charity. There is always something the baby needs, or we need, or food shopping to do. The daycare is charging something new or something goes wrong with the house or a car.

I can't even remember the last time I felt in control of my life or anything in it. I keep trying to swim, but the water keeps weighing me down.

I really hope I don't drown.

Day Care Politics

Well, let's just say that Grayson did not have a good day yesterday after his doctor appointment. He ended up not eating, not napping, crying the afternoon away and ending his day with a fever of 101.something.

Needless to say, I got a phone call to get him. Our daycare just loves to call and make me pick my kid up, even though I'm paying them $850 a month to watch him for 8 hours a day, 3 days a week.

"Well, it's not a big deal, but Grayson has a fever of 101 & we know he had shots today and that's most likely why, but it's 4:30 so I thought you could come get him." Now, this mommy ran out the door, but it was for my kid not the daycare.

Then I got this gem "well, his eye is pussing & we know he has a clogged tear duct, but we had pink eye in the room last week, so who knows." ::::insert angry look::::: - I know, I know that when my kid crys for a long time, which he apparently did for hours on end today, his eye(s) get goopy. You people aren't dumb, please put 2 and 2 together here.

I took him home, gave him some drugs. He was sleeping by 6pm & had a pretty rough night. He finally ate for the first time pretty much all day at 9:30pm. The night went up hill from there. This morning I have a laughing happy baby again.

My husband shared with me, that this morning while he was dropping Grayson off, a couple of the baby-room ladies were complaining about a different baby in the room. Things like "she crys all day, and won't nap. This can't keep happening."

Um, Hello - YOU WATCH BABIES FOR A LIVING. If you don't like kids that cry & don't follow a strict schedule, maybe you should move to a room of 5 or 6 year olds. Ugh. This is why I get phone calls every time my child makes a peep, because you don't seem to want to do your job!

I like the school, it's private, close to home and work, lets me have a baby there only 3 days a week - but you know what, I have to go to work every day and I'm expected to do my job, even when it isn't easy. I should be able to expect no less from the people that I'm paying to take care of the most important thing in my life.

Who, by the way, pulled himself up into a standing position for the first time today. My 6 month old is just moving too fast!

My Baby Is Getting Bigger

So, today was Grayson's 6 month appointment. He is currently 17lbs12oz & 26.5 inches long. He is average for his age. I'm so glad things are going so well with him, it's wonderful! He had a rough time with the shots today, worse then in the past, but after 15 minutes of his Mommy & Daddy trying really hard - he smiled and stopped crying.

Apparently when he got to daycare today he started flirting with a new baby girl that just start that is the same age that Grayson is. Look at my little baby go!

I definitely can't wait to get out of work & see how his day went when I pick him up this evening. I'm hoping it went well.

Becoming a mom

I have to say that people seem to get the wrong impression about women who are new mom's. Or maybe mom's in general. Just because I now have a child doesn't mean I'm not the same person.

Yes, my priorities have changed a little. Now I have to think "okay, I want to go out next weekend - who can we get to baby sit?" or "well, as nice as it would be to go out to dinner - the baby is already down for the night, so maybe we should just order in."

But the things and people I like have not changed. I still like wine, I still liking going out and having fun. I still like my friends - even the ones that don't have babies, or don't want babies. I shouldn't be shoved in a corner with other mommies & be told "now, you can only hang out with people with other babies".

That kinda would suck if it were true - seeing that I don't know many people in real life with children. And the few that I do, I try to hang out with every once in a while - but my every outing doesn't have to revolve around kids. It would be nice to get dressed up, go to a trendy bar or resturant, go to a club with my girlfriends to dance, or just maybe going out for dinner and bowling.

I may be a part of a new crowd of people now, but I still want to be a part of the old crowd too - and even if you never have a kid someday, and never fully understand "my feelings" doesn't mean you can't understand my feelings as a person, the same person I was before starting my family.

A Fun Saturday

Well, the 6 month birthday has come to pass - and now we move on to an awesome Saturday! My college roommate (Dana) is here to visit for the weekend. We are all going a pool party at our bestest friends house. Then tonight I'm going to hang out, drink wine, and pour over old college photos.

It's going to be great!

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

6 Months ago....

At this time 6 months ago, I was in labor. I would be in labor until 3:30pm when the decision was made that I needed a c-section. I would have to wait until 4:14pm to hear my baby cry for the first time.

I can't believe that 6 months have already gone by, looking back it does feel like a blur, though some of those days I remember thinking were dragging on forever.

At 6 Months:

~Grayson is officially babbling! As of yesterday, he is saying "da da, ba ba" and going on and on, instead of just squealing and yelling.

~Grayson started sitting, unassisted, 1 month ago yesterday.

~Grayson is an amazingly happy baby that I really can't imagine not having in my life anymore.

I hate that I have to be at work today, instead of spending the day with him, but he got lots of hugs & kisses (with a couple of tears!) this morning. 5pm can't come quickly enough.

Beautiful Sleep....

So last night was night 3 of us swaddling Grayson up again! It has been a little piece of heaven. Last night, he slept until 3:30am, got a bottle - went back down and didn't wake up until I woke him up at 7am.

The night before he slept until like 11pm, got a bottle & then slept until I woke up him at 7am. It has all been just wonderful. I told Steve that we would be swaddling him until college, his response was "We are going to need larger blankets". Damn straight we are, this kid is going to Sleep through the night if it kills me!

On another note, I have had a headache for 24 hours now that I just can not shake. I have taken my allergy medicine. Still here. I have taken advil (4 at a time). Still here. What the heck! Any good remedies out there from anyone?

::::looks at the ticker to the right::::: anyone notice that I am down another 2 lbs? I am so happy I could just fly! And I'm going to start a yoga class next week to go along with the eliptical workout I'm doing. I'm hoping on yoga 3 days a week & the eliptical 3 days a week. I'm going to get in shape damn-it!

Wordless Wednesday

You have to do what works for you!

We had been trying to un-swaddle our baby. Was he rolling in his sleep? No. Was he fighting the swaddle? No. Then why, you ask, were we trying to un-swaddle him? Mainly because I thought that at 6 months old he shouldn't be sleeping in a swaddle anymore.

So we gave it a try, we went all out - waking up every hour or more. We tried just his arms swaddled - but he would kick and wake himself up anyway. We stopped swaddling at naps, and now he sleeps for crap during the day. Nothing was working, we all were losing sleep, he is back to 2 feedings at night when there was a time he wasn't waking up to eat at all, everything is just plan wrong. And to top it off, my baby that would wake up happy and smiling most morning was now waking up crying and sometimes out right grumpy. That is no way for anyone to start the day!

So, after some very sound advice from some very awesome e-friends, last night we put him back in his full swaddle, and it was the best nights sleep we have all had in a while. He still woke up at 10pm and 3am for his 2 feeding that he *thinks* he needs (we are going to be weaning these - well at least the 10pm one), but otherwise we all just slept right through.

Grayson woke up for the day at 6:45am & he was as happy as could be. Smiles, coo-ing, just one big ol' happy baby. And of course, then one happy Mama.

Week 3 begins

I may have not eaten the best this past weekend - but I did stick to my workout schedule & I still am feeling pretty good! I can see a difference. Especially in pictures. I see a picture from 3-4 weeks ago and then look at one that I took yesturday, my face already looks thinner. Not to mention my legs are feeling really buff and thinner a little in the thigh area. Now if only I could lose some around the middle I will feel even better about myself.

This is a big week for me - my baby is going to my 6 months old on Friday. How the heck did that happen? Where have the last 6 months gone & how do I get that time back? I want to do a little something for him - it's a big deal that my baby is already going to be 1/2 way to one, but we have a pretty busy weekend ahead. So, I'm not sure I'm going to get to do anything. But I'm thinking that at the rate it's been going, before I know it another 6 months will be gone and I'm going to be planning a first birthday party anyway!

Okay, I have to go breath into a paperbag now. Have a good day!

A Family Day

Today was a great day. Grayson and I started out with a little shopping - he needed some footie PJs because we are starting to un-swaddle when sleeping. Eeck.

Then to the parents for a little bit - followed by a drive to my Aunt's house with my sister! We hung out & had a great time having Grayson visit his Great Aunt.

Then we went to the park for a walk. It was a beautiful day out. Over all Grayson was just so happy and pleasant. I truly wish every day could be like today!

Being Out of Control

Right now in my life, I can honestly say I feel completely out of control. It seems like life is just zooming by at 1 million miles an hour and I just can't keep up. I feel out of touch with my closest friends, I feel like nothing is ever finished, I feel like there is always a huge list of things I need to do, and I feel like I have no idea who I am anymore.

I love being a mom - I may have only been at it for a little under 6 months at this point, but I am enjoying almost everything that comes with this title. (Who can blame me for wanting to give up the poopy diapers!) But I feel like it's the only hat that I wear. And for the brief time that my head has to share a hat (because the mom hat truly never comes off), it's the work hat. Work, home to be a mom, work out, sleep. This is my daily life.

I try figuring out ways to change this - and all I feel is guilt. How can I want to do something that isn't related to my child? It's not like I get to spend much time with him to begin with. How can I want to sit down and watch TV for an hour instead of cleaning bottles, and doing dishes, and preping for the next day? How can I want to eat something for dinner instead of exercising for 45 minutes, taking a shower and going to bed?

The Catholic Guilt I grew up with to a whole new extreme. Pull your seat belts tight everyone! It's going to be a bumpy ride.

Let the Losing Begin!

Notice the new ticker on the left of my post here? I am 3 lbs down! Whoohoo. I'm on the road to losing, it's going to be a trek, and the goal is going to change again when I get to the end of this one. But I'm taking it one day and then one pound at a time.

I will say that a 3lb loss in the first week does help keep me going, which is what I need at the beginning of a diet/exercise routine.

The hardest thing I am finding at this point is keeping the snacks away at work. Well, the bad ones anyway. I am a true fruit eater now. I get hungry, I grab some grapes or a plumb, a banana or a something else sweet and healthy.

Buying them is a pain in the butt, but once it's home it is easy to grab, trust me, I recommend it!

The Tuesday Whirlwind

So, I have come to love and hate Tuesday's all at the same time. I hate them because I have to do it all, and do it all alone after work until bedtime with Grayson. Sometimes it's not a big deal - but when he is a fussy pants, it can be a pain in the butt not having a second pair of hands.

But I love them because I get him home from school and it's just the two of us for a while, you know before all the fussing.

I have moved forward!

I am now on week 2 of my working out, dieting program. I'm already starting to feel better about myself! I really think just the act of working out helps this. Everyone should try it! My personal goal is 5 days a week. I'm doing 5 days a week for 40 minutes right now. My goal is to get up to a full hour.

I'm going to officially weigh myself on Wednesday morning. I have decided that is going to be my "Weigh In Day" - but I cheated a little and stepped back on the scale on Saturday evening. I already dropped 4.5 lbs from when I got on the scale last week and almost had a break down.

I am still higher then my ticker is reflecting - but Wednesday I'm going to officially update the ticker too, push forward, and forget about those 9 lbs that I lost before and just start over again.

I have a goal. Right now it's 20 lbs (from where I was last Wednesday) and I want to get there by Steve's birthday (which is October 17th). That gives me a little over 2 months. We can do it!

I feel like crap

I need to vent. And I'm going to do it here. I feel like crap. I hate how I feel and look. I am on day 4 of my new diet & exercise program. I finally let myself get on the scale. I seriously almost cried. Besides for when I was pregnant, I have never been this fat in life. And I'm going to work on it and change it - but I just can't get there fast enough. Today I am so self-conscious about what I'm wearing and how I look. I truly hate everything about me right now.

I am not going to update my weight ticker - at least not today. I don't think that will help me and my cause at all.